Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's The End Of The World As We know It

Last day of beda... woo-hoo I did it! There were a few days where I really wanted to quit, but I persevered. Yay for me.

Those of you who know me well (which, let's face it, are the 3 of you reading this) realize how exceptional it is for me to have stayed with this. Everything else I've attempted on the internet (hello Facebook, I'm looking at you) hasn't been as successful as this endeavor. So, I am now officially a blogger.

I have decided to stick with this blog for a while and see where it leads me... Maybe I'll become a well known blogger whose reach is so wide that I'll get invited on talk shows to spread my opinion. Then, because I'm so awesome, I'll be invited to a special event at the white house. Of course Rob Pattinson will be there and our eyes will meet across a crowded room, we'll smile and start talking... one thing will lead to another and pretty soon I'll be dating the sparkly vampire.

                             Yeah, I'm definitely going to keep blogging.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Are We There Yet?

You know how people always talk about the journey being more important than the destination? People are stupid. Some journeys really suck and I don't care if I am learning some amazingly deep life lessons, I just want to get there. Really, who would rather be crammed in the backseat of a car listening to their parents bicker when they could be at the ocean? Was the patience I gained during the ride really better than the time I could have spent sitting on the beach?

Some people just like to romanticize everything crappy in life. "Remember when we lived in that tiny apartment and didn't have any money? Those were the good old days." Yeah, right. Those days sucked! Oh sure there were some good times, but if the past is the only time in your life that was good, you probably should get to therapy. Of course, once you're there, the doctor will tell you that it's not the destination, but rather the journey that is important.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

All We Are Is Dust In The Wind

Lately I've had songs from my childhood invading my brain, not songs like Old Macdonald, rather songs like Cat's In The Cradle. The 70's were great for singer/songwriters, the songs were quite literal and filled with angst. And as most of you know, I love me some angst.

I just finished season 5 of Bones and OMG the ending was crazy! I won't say anything specific, no spoilers here, but I'm really excited for season 6. I watched the preview and I must say that I love Bones' new bangs.

I feel like a slacker on this blog. When I first started blogging I tried to be creative and clever; now I just post anything. I feel a bit guilty about this, although, not enough to really change. Alas.

A friend of mine put a crazy visual in my mind tonight, so as a palate cleanser I offer this:

Much better than sorbet

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Running On Empty

I find that as the end of August approaches I am looking forward to the completion of this goal: I will have bededa.

 I enjoy playing with language.

Honey Nut Cheerios are a fantastic bedtime snack.

Spellcheck just underlined Cheerios. Weird.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Eat, Pray, Love. After it's over I'll probably Purge, Renounce, Hate.

I want to buy a new purse.

I got nothin left...

Friday, August 27, 2010

Fact: I Am Me And So Are You

Day 27 and I am tiring of this activity. Theoretically, a nightly post is a good idea. I am forced to think and write something. This blog is a journal of sorts... an electronic diary. Someday, far in the future, I will be able to look back and get a glimpse of who I was in August 2010. Wow. That's great. Really. Unfortunately, the only thing to discover is I am the same person I've always been. Fundamentally, people don't really change. We may change our environments, but, we are who we are. That is either an extremely liberating notion, or a deeply depressing one.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Goodnight, Sleep Tight

Sometimes I do things that I know I shouldn't. I know that I should not take Benadryl at night and get comfortable on the couch in front of the tv and expect to stay awake... but I do it anyway. Somehow I am surprised when I awaken to the closing credits of the show I was watching. I'll have to re-watch it tomorrow.

I will also have to make a better blog post tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I Google, Therefore I Am

I suppose this post should somehow be related to it's title, but, alas, it is not. I am so very tired tonight and am only blogging because I have promised myself I would make it through the challenge of posting every day in August.

I miss Jack Bauer. I'm unsure of what random thoughts have led me to this conclusion this evening, but Monday nights will never be the same. There was something extremely satisfying about watching Jack do whatever was necessary to save the world. Poor Jack was always a reluctant hero. He sacrificed his own happiness time and again to serve the greater good (not that he was a death eater). He will be sorely missed.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Who's On First?

Ten Random Thoughts:

10) Purple is the best color

9) I'm hungry, but can't decide what I want

8) I enjoy thinking of titles for my blog posts

7) Rob Pattinson is hilarious (and so very pretty)

6) The X-Files theme is currently playing on a loop in my brain

5) The first record I remember buying was "Don't Give Up On Us" by David Soul

4) I want to buy a bottle of light blue nail polish called Havana Dreams

3) I would enjoy being the person who names nail polish colors

2) Currently, there is a barking dog in the yard behind my house

1) Pinky: "What are we gonna do tonight, Brain?"  The Brain: "The same thing we do every night, Pinky . . .  Try and take over this blog."

Monday, August 23, 2010

4 8 15 16 23 42

Tomorrow the final season of LOST comes out on dvd. Now that I've had a few months to ruminate on the ending of one of the best shows ever, I've got something important to say: DON'T LEAVE ME!!!!!

There is hardly anything left to watch on tv. Seriously, I am sad. I've never been a big time viewer, but there are usually a few shows that I really look forward to watching. Now, I'm down to two scripted shows to watch. There are a few "reality" shows I like, but I need some well written dramas and comedies to entertain me. Where have all the good shows gone?

My solution is to start watching old shows that I missed when they were first aired. If anyone has ANY suggestions, toss them my way. All I ask is that they have at least one redeeming quality... I don't even care what it is. If it's the best lit show ever, I'll watch. Great costumes, I'll watch. Brilliant theme song, I'll watch. Quirky premise, I'll watch. Best car chases, I'll watch. Really, just anything interesting, I'll watch. All of a sudden I hear Sting singing "I want my MTV." I really need something to watch.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

I Learned It By Watching You

Parents suck. I know, I am a parent. I'm sure there are times when my children think I suck. They're right. I accept this as fact. But, as much as I sometimes suck, it's nothing compared to my parents. Really, they are like gigantic leeches sucking the blood out of every living being they meet. Or, maybe, it's just me they are draining.

You know what else sucks? Vampires. That's right, I went there. Why did I do it? Mostly to annoy my son, thus proving my original statement: parents suck. I am also trying to use the word suck so many times that it loses all meaning. Why am I doing this? Again, it is because I suck.

You know what else sucks? Babies. Always sucking on something... bottles, thumbs, moms, whatever. They'll suck on anything that is within reach. Babies love to suck, man. Suck, suck, suck. Babies are suckers.

You know what else sucks? People drinking through straws. They just suck up all that liquid and swallow it. Sometimes they slurp or gulp, but I'm going to stick with suck as my preferred descriptor of people drinking through straws. They suck. Now, I want an icee; that's something worth sucking.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Old Man Is Snoring

It doesn't rain often enough on the desert. I'm sitting here listening to a nice storm, wishing for the summer to end. I guess summer is nice if you live somewhere else, but here it sucks... and I am done. I'm ready for cool breezes and gray skies. I want to go to sleep and awaken the next day to a sky that doesn't require sunglasses at 5:30 a.m. Really, that's just gross.

Why are all of the popular songs about rain so negative? The songwriters must be from London or the pacific northwest, because if I wrote a song about rain, I would call it, "Rainy Days and Weekends Always Get Me Up." No offense to The Carpenters, but I think mine sounds better. Also, I apparently have a talent for song titling. (Is that a word? IDK.)

I wonder why Rainn Wilson has that extra n in his name. I mean if you're going to name your kid rain, just go for it. Don't try to soften the blow by adding an extra n. It's like the people who name their kid Skye. How does the e make it better? If you are giving your kid a crazy name, own it. Like the actor whose kid is named Apple. No extra letters necessary. Putting an extra l in there wouldn't make it better. Applle? Same thing, really.

Rain, rain don't go away...

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Cat In The Hat

Last night on Project Runway the designers had to create an outfit to go with an avant garde hat. Most of the designs were boring and safe, but Mondo created something fantastic. This kid is really an artist. Over the last couple of weeks his designs have been interesting and original, so of course he never wins!

Not only was his design tres chic, but I loved his styling of the model. It's hard to see in the picture, but he had the makeup artist draw a mustache on her. Ha! I thought he was robbed, but I do look forward to seeing what he'll do next.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Who Needs Sleep?

I wish I were sitting on a beach listening to the ocean. I miss being lulled into a peaceful daze by the sounds of the waves. These days rather than gently drifting into slumber at the end of the day, I close my bedroom door and turn my back to the rest of the house and try to drown out the noise of too many people in too small a space. Suffice it to say, I am a bit sleep deprived. So, in my attempt to remedy the situation, I am going to bed early tonight. Sweet dreams guys. I'll be here again tomorrow...

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What's Up Doc?

I just spent several hours in the ER with a friend of mine. I saw quite a few health care professionals while I was there. Imagine my severe disappointment at the lack of resemblance of any of them to George Clooney. What the hell Banner medical group? Get it together. Every ER should have at least one G.C. He should be very handsome, extremely brilliant, and go against the establishment all while retaining a certain boyish charm. I really don't think that's asking too much.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Might As Well Face It

Last week I started watching a tv show that has been on the air for 5 years...Sometimes I'm a bit slow on the whole bandwagon jumping game. But, when I do jump, I usually cannonball in with no hesitation. It's just the way I've always done things. I can't wade in and try to adjust: that's boring. I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

Wow, I created quite the metaphor cocktail in that last paragraph. It's as though I changed horses at the end of my rope. Sometimes, I make myself laugh. LOL

Monday, August 16, 2010

On The Road To Hell

My good intention to blog earlier in the day didn't really work out... So, here I sit, before bed, just grasping at straws. I guess it's good that the number of people who read this can be counted on one hand; I wouldn't want to disappoint too many people.

Although some of my intentions are now pavement, others are being used to seemingly improve my life. I'm still a vegetarian, I'm on the treadmill most mornings, and that's all I can think of at the moment. Two is better than zero, I suppose.

Morning will be here soon enough, so tonight I will resolve to blog tomorrow before four p.m. It's an arbitrary deadline, but I prefer those. Until tomorrow I bid you adieu.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Just Do It

I really need to make blogging part of my morning routine. Waiting until bedtime is not working out for me. (That phrase makes me think of Dr. Phil.) Yikes! I'm just too tired to think of anything to write. Every idea I've had in the past thirty odd minutes sucks. I don't know how people blog continuously throughout the day. I don't think anyone is that interesting. Also, I just hate sitting in front of a computer.

Tomorrow I'll attempt daytime blogging... It couldn't possibly be worse than this. But, at least, I've BEDAed.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

S A T U R D A Y Night

The way to read the title of tonight's post is as performed by The Bay City Rollers. You youngsters out there will have to check it out. Along with Shaun Cassidy, this is the music I loved when I was 9 years old.

I suppose if I were 9 years old today, I would be a Belieber. I might be a little punchy tonight... but I had to post this one. I died when I saw it.

 Ah, the internet... what can't it do? (Is it weird that I thought that in Homer Simpson's voice?)

These days my tastes run more towards something like this... yummy

I'm having too much fun posting pictures tonight, so I will leave you with one more. This is one of my favorites of our President (who totally rocks!)

Friday, August 13, 2010

Haiku 1

she is tired now
the summer sun burns her eyes
death will be cooler

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Untitled 1

I absolutely have nothing to write tonight. I am really tired and I just don't care enough about this to force myself to spend hours trying to think of and write about something interesting: I blame Allison. Several nights ago Allison informed me that I was spending too much time and putting too much effort into my blog posts. I have begrudgingly adopted her philosophy of just writing anything. I don't like it.

But, unfortunately, I am allowing my exhaustion to rule me tonight. Maybe tomorrow I'll write earlier in the day when my brain is still awake and functioning at a decent level. Maybe.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Beautiful Mess

It's in my nature to clean up every little mess whose path I cross. Most of these messes do not belong to me, yet I just cannot stop myself from tidying them. It is something about myself I am working on changing: I am looking for the beauty within the mess.

One of my favorite things about being an artist is creating unexpected works from mundane, boring, used up objects. I love going to a junkyard and discovering hidden treasures from the leftover bits of society. Old electronics, empty glass bottles, and miscellaneous debris can be turned into amazing studies of abstract worlds and subconscious dreams. Sometimes I use the words and images in discarded books to create something new within the pages. At other times I use old books to create sculptural wonders. My new project will be creating art from other peoples' randomly placed messes. The fact that these "inspirations" are all over my previously clean home does pose a bit of a challenge. But, I must rise to the occasion!

The only limit to what can be beautiful is our perception. You know the old saying, "beauty is in the eye of the beast." Or something like that.  :p

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Leave It To Bieber

Blah, blah, blah... tonight I am just going to write things as they pop into my head. The title of my post is based on the photo spread of Justin Bieber, "the Bieb" with Kim Kardashian. It is a surreal notion committed to film (or a memory card, IDK) but something definitely worth viewing. Seriously, do yourself a favor and check it out.

My response to any question for which I do not immediately have an answer is, " look it up online." I hate that that is my first thought. I also hate that I used the phrase "that that" in my previous sentence. Staying on the topic of things that I hate, I hate the smell of laundry soap and bar soap. However I love the smell of Palmolive dish soap because it smells like my grandma's house. I also love the smell of coffee for the same reason.

Allison just made me laugh so loudly. "Maybe I should get rid of some earrings," said the girl who literally has hundreds of pairs of earrings.  The same girl who had to get her ears re-pierced a couple of times because once she took the starter pair out she refused to put a new pair in. The same girl who, at the age of four, begged to get her ears pierced then proceeded to FREAK OUT after the first ear was done leading to a two hour showdown between a hysterical little girl and a frazzled Wal-Mart jewelry clerk. Maybe Allison continues to buy earrings to heal her inner child.

I can't always decide if something is two words, one word, or a hyphenated word. I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about this. Really, would it kill me to write "inner-child" or "innerchild" as opposed to the (hopefully) correct "inner child?" Perhaps I should have just looked it up online. 

I fear my hunger and exhaustion are about to catch up with me. I must therefore leave you, gentle reader, with this: Michelle Obama has a fabulous wardrobe.

Monday, August 9, 2010


I'm running out of Tuesday, and I have nothing to say. I've considered and discarded several topics and titles for this post, but nothing is sticking. I considered my membership on team pie as a possible subject, but there isn't much to say except "I like pie." Glitter, Abraham Lincoln, and Thai food were also possibilities, but none of them captured my imagination quite enough to warrant an entire blog post. Because a picture is worth a thousand words, I have decided to regale you with two thousand words tonight. Enjoy.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

I Declare Vegetarianism!

In January of 1993, I became a strict vegan. After several months, and every variation of beans known to man, I added small amounts of eggs and dairy back into my life. (Cheese, glorious cheese!) I stayed on this path for a solid decade. Several years ago, on a dare from my son, I tasted chicken once again. Imagine my surprise when I didn't projectile vomit across the room. Chicken was, apparently, my gateway drug. Pretty soon I was a hardcore meat-eater.

Today I have decided that I am ready to go veg again. Why today? I've been restless this summer, and honestly, I've been thinking about doing this, on and off, for the last few years. I also just ate a really big burger for lunch and I feel like it was the final destination in my omnivoric* adventure. So, I am once again on a vegetarian path.

* I don't really think omnivoric is a word, but I like the way it sounds in my head.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

I Really Don't Care

The past three months of my life have been quite stressful. I've tried many strategies for coping, but nothing has worked. I now have a new plan. The basis of my plan is, "I really don't care." Until the people who have invaded my home leave, I am not going to care about anything.

We need groceries - I really don't care.

There aren't any clean towels - I really don't care.

The trash is overflowing - I really don't care.

The phone is ringing - I really don't care.

The floors are dirty - I really don't care.

We're out of toilet paper - I really don't care.

The car is on fire - I really don't care.

There's nothing to eat - I really don't care.

It works for everything and it is my new mantra. I really don't care.

Friday, August 6, 2010


I'm not much of a fan of the things most people do on the internet. I want to join in, but when I do I am always disappointed. After tons of begging and pleading from some of my friends and relatives, I finally joined Facebook. I think I lasted a week. I've thought about jumping on the Twitter bandwagon, but what would I say? So, here I am blogging and already growing weary of the effort to post something daily. I want to quit, but my daughter will kill me if I do. Maybe it's like exercise, I just have to keep going until I finally enjoy it. I wonder how long that will take.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Too Cool For School

i think evryone is stupid espesially people on the internet, they dont no how too spell or use good grammer or stuff like comas, which your suposed to use whenever their is a paws in the words your saying, duh, i lerned that in like kindergarden. i think we need better educasion in this country sew people woodn't be so dum and other people in the world woodn't hate stupid americans four knot doing things write. i meen were suposed to be the leeders of the world and most people in the usa dont even no how to reed maps or do math and stuff like harry potter, sew i hope obama can do some stuff to make skools better four are kids, because thats really important. i wont usualy be doing sew much politics stuff on hear , but i think this is really important.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


I am apathetic towards much of what I read online. There is only one thing on the internet that makes me laugh every single time: Drunk Hulk on Twitter. It actually makes me feel like a slacker to think that some clever person came up with this idea and has realized it's potential so fully. Is there such a hidden gem within us all, or does one have to be some kind of artistic genius to create something so amazing? What could be my invaluable contribution to the world? Maybe I should start a twitter feed of Smurfette's homage to Mr. Rogers.

It's a smurfy day in the neighborhood.

People can smurf you just the way you are.

It's such a smurfy feeling to know you're alive.

I think I'll make a smurfy new day.

Smurf you tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You Say Potato, I Say Rice

In the last several days I have eaten so many potatoes that I feel I should write an historical novel set in 19th century Ireland. I would wax poetic reminiscing about the potato dishes from my childhood. My 21st century version is more of a rant about my mother's lack of culinary skill and imagination. Mashed potatoes from a box? Yum. Potatoes that have been oven-baked until they've dried out? Delicious. Scalloped potatoes dripping in a bland white sauce? Heaven. Potatoes fried in an unbelievable amount of margarine? Delectable. Tonight we are about to partake in some under-seasoned potato salad. Yay. I finally understand why some industrious person was inspired to create Mr. Potato Head. Bon Apetit!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Pillar of Salt

Sitting in a nearly empty movie theatre, watching Angelina Jolie kick peoples' asses is to me as gum is to Chandler Bing: perfection. Of course, perfection has a price. I now have an irrational desire to work out several hours each day, get a crazy number of new tattoos, and perhaps adopt half a dozen or so kids. Once I've accomplished these modest goals I will need to find a pretty boy with whom I can play house. By day we will criss-cross the globe with our fashionable children doing good deeds in every land. By night, however, we will don cleverly crafted disguises and solve crimes. We'll be the 21st century version of the Partridge Family. I better get started writing a catchy theme song.

Hello world here's the crime that we're fightin'... come on get captured.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

On and Off Again

To create order from chaos is a noble goal:I am currently organizing my closet. To some this is undoubtedly a dreaded chore; to me this is a heavenly way to spend several hours. Once completed, I will bask in the beauty that can only be enjoyed by looking upon clothing hung according to color, shoes housed in individual cubby holes, bags lined upon a shelf according to size, and walls adorned with images of a pretty boy.

But why the compulsion to organize? Three months of unwelcome houseguests has finally broken my spirit. The only thing I have left to call my own is a bedroom. I have decided that I must make this one room exclusively mine. I am therefore determined to create the most tranquil, quiet space known to modern man. If I fail in this endeavor, I fear I may succumb to madness. Although, at this point, insanity might be  my truest friend.