Monday, July 21, 2014


So, on a dare (I really need to rethink* my policy of accepting dares), I've started online dating. If you have ever considered online dating you may be wondering what it's all about. As a public service I am posting my dos and don'ts of online dating...


Have a sense of humor, because if you aren't laughing about what you're reading you will definitely be crying.

Have someone take a nice picture of you for your profile...mirror selfies suck!

*Check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Please.

Send messages and chat with new people. What are the odds that they're ALL serial killers? Really, someone figure it out and tell me the odds.

Disable your account occasionally and let your sanity reboot.


Be shocked by the ridiculousness of humanity. We're quite ridiculous.

Get frustrated. Some nice man is sure to send you an unsolicited dick pic any day now.

Expect to find true love. I suppose it could happen, but what are the odds? Really, someone figure it out and tell me the odds.

Hesitate to hit the "block him" button. Life's too short to be polite to aggressive internet strangers.

Stop spending time with real people. Real people are better than virtual people. (Except Robert Pattinson. Virtual Robert Pattinson is better than most real people.)

Follow these simple dos and don'ts and soon you too will be an online dating expert. Good night and good luck.

*As I was typing I looked at the screen and thought, "Does rethink have a hyphen? I'm not sure, I'll Google it." Seriously people, check your spelling, punctuation, and grammar. The answers are at your fingertips.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Peer Pressure Isn't Just for Fun

Oh me from yesterday, I have a message from the future: you do not want to train for a triathlon. Seriously. 

My new New Year's Resolution is to chill out and stop being crazy (perhaps more difficult than the triathlon).

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Resolutions Are Dumb: I Am Dumb (2014 Edition)

Tonight, after watching the new episode of Sherlock, somehow it was decided that I would begin training for a triathlon. What?

Tomorrow I will be shopping for goggles, a swimsuit, and shoes. Friday morning at 6:30 (?) I will begin swim classes. Saturday I'll be running (probably walking). And Sunday I will get on a bicycle for the first time in years (apparently it's as easy as riding a bike).

Besides triathlon training I also resolve to blog about the experience...because. Seriously, I need a life because boredom and desperation are driving me towards insane choices (also as easy as riding a bike).

Stay tuned as the adventure begins...