I Learned It By Watching You

Parents suck. I know, I am a parent. I'm sure there are times when my children think I suck. They're right. I accept this as fact. But, as much as I sometimes suck, it's nothing compared to my parents. Really, they are like gigantic leeches sucking the blood out of every living being they meet. Or, maybe, it's just me they are draining.

You know what else sucks? Vampires. That's right, I went there. Why did I do it? Mostly to annoy my son, thus proving my original statement: parents suck. I am also trying to use the word suck so many times that it loses all meaning. Why am I doing this? Again, it is because I suck.

You know what else sucks? Babies. Always sucking on something... bottles, thumbs, moms, whatever. They'll suck on anything that is within reach. Babies love to suck, man. Suck, suck, suck. Babies are suckers.

You know what else sucks? People drinking through straws. They just suck up all that liquid and swallow it. Sometimes they slurp or gulp, but I'm going to stick with suck as my preferred descriptor of people drinking through straws. They suck. Now, I want an icee; that's something worth sucking.