Pillar of Salt

Sitting in a nearly empty movie theatre, watching Angelina Jolie kick peoples' asses is to me as gum is to Chandler Bing: perfection. Of course, perfection has a price. I now have an irrational desire to work out several hours each day, get a crazy number of new tattoos, and perhaps adopt half a dozen or so kids. Once I've accomplished these modest goals I will need to find a pretty boy with whom I can play house. By day we will criss-cross the globe with our fashionable children doing good deeds in every land. By night, however, we will don cleverly crafted disguises and solve crimes. We'll be the 21st century version of the Partridge Family. I better get started writing a catchy theme song.

Hello world here's the crime that we're fightin'... come on get captured.